Today I’m posting a quick response to a good question brought up on Facebook. “Why are there so many creepers?” Well friends, here’s my answer…
Creepy has become a term that quite a few people use loosely. When some people, not all, but a hefty majority say, “I was out with this person, and they were super creepy.” It really means, “I’m just not attracted them, but I don’t want to come across as a hater, so I’m gonna blame it on them in the most vague way possible.” Or maybe… “I’m just not attracted to them, so I’m emphasizing little things that bother me to prove my point.”
Because let’s face it, no one wants to be labeled a hater, or be that person who points out flaws in others for no reason. But lately “creepy” has become a word that legitimizes the criticism of someone’s normal personality, but just didn’t quite meet a particular person’s standards.
Okay then…so they don’t meet your standards. That’s fine. It’s okay to have them. It’s okay to have certain desires and requirements. But “creepy” is preferably defined as any type of noun that makes a person uncomfortable or sometimes unsafe. But what’s uncomfortable or unsafe to you may actually be endearing to someone else. We live in a weird world where it’s okay to be expressive and some people roll with it differently.
So be very careful who you label as a creeper, because it could actually ruin a good person’s reputation. If you do start to feel unsafe; feeling threatened or insecure by someone, then it’s absolutely okay to make it known. You have intuition and you should use it. I address not one specific gender, by to all by saying get out that pepper spray.
But right now I’m talking about the genuine people who work very hard to lower their pride and gather as much confidence as possible to make a conversation with someone who is very hard to approach. Because good for them! They’re taking initiative and you should commend them for that. And commend yourself for being a person someone wants to get to know. Doesn’t necessarily mean they’re interested in you romantically. Basic social skills are required in start up situations.
But until they ask for your number, don’t assume they want it. And if they do for the romantic reasons, and you’re not interested, there are many responses you can give without figuratively kicking them in the dirt. Like, “Thank you for asking, but I’m not interested in you that way. But you’re great and I wish the best of luck to you.” And if they start putting you down for that type response, or continue to pressure you until you’re uncomfortable, then you may call them a creeper because that’s just crappy behavior.
If you aren’t straightforward, they might not take the hint. In fact they may take it as playing hard to get, which can actually make the situation worse. Neither of you need that kind of stress in your life.
At the same time, if a person accepts a date or gives you their number, proceed with caution. That person is considering getting to know you better. It doesn’t always mean, “I’m super into you and hope after the date is over, we start planning the rest of our lives.” A date is not a contract, so neither of you should act under that impression. If after the first date and they’re not interested…congratulations! At least they gave you a chance and it just didn’t work out. You don’t have to think, “What if?” anymore.
And if they don’t initiate conversations with you after that, it’s likely they’re putting their time and energy elsewhere. And please believe me when I say it isn’t worth it for you to keep a friendship alive when that happens. Unless they put the same amount of friendship effort as you do, they’ll start freaking out irrationally. And usually, not always, but usually the people who don’t know how to say, “I’m not interested” they think ignoring is the way to go. And to you people who think so, it’s not. Again, it’s just crappy behavior.
And to all you people who do get a polite rejection, please understand that those people might not have anything against you. It doesn’t mean that you’re unattractive to everyone. It just means they have a particular standard and know beforehand that a relationship isn’t going to work. That standard is sometimes brought up with a certain background, religion or chemistry that they already know won’t match up with yours. If those standards don’t meet, odds are you two won’t last very long. So please don’t wallow in that. You don’t have to be happy about it, but at least be content in knowing you probably avoided a catastrophe of some sort.
It’s also not worth it to wallow over the people who are just plain mean. Some people try to get your attention in rude ways. And some people enjoy rejecting others because it gives them a sense of power. And that’s because they both carry insecurities they’re still sorting through, and it isn’t your job to try and break down those barriers. They’ll start taking advantage of your willingness to receive that attention. It’s too much drama, and IT’S NOT WORTH IT. Trust me.
And sometimes those people probably experienced enough creepers in their lives where if anyone were to show interest in them, they start to shut down. Again, not your job to push past those barriers. Sometimes walking away is the best option regardless of good intentions. If it’s not received, it doesn’t work. But you did try, and that’s all that matters sometimes. And if you’re the one who has insecurities, don’t let it stop you from having a conversation. It’s okay to be cautious, but you might gain a real support system that will one day help you through it. I know it because it happened for me.
Now I know my advice doesn’t apply to all. You know yourself better than I do. I simply enjoy living in a world where everyone in a room can be friends.
So until next time…
Cheers to you, XO